Thursday, February 21, 2008

I'm gonna do it!

Okay, so this post will not be interesting to anybody...so don't bother reading it.

The only reason I'm writing it down is to keep myself honest. It is purely for self-motivating purposes.

I just got finished taping pictures cut out of the Chadwick's catalog all over the kitchen. I have cut the faces off.

If you are still reading this, you must be thinking at this point "What kind of sadistic person is this?"

I got the catalog two days ago and started looking. However, flipping through made me realize that wearing any single item in the catalog is a pipe dream in my current stage of personal body health.

Six years ago, the week before I found out I was pregnant with Noah, I achieved my lifetime member status at Weight Watchers.

Without any in between information, which would be purely derogatory anyway, I am now quite a bit above what I was when I started that Weight Watchers journey the first time. I tried over the years but with just lack a serious amount if will power.

Watching Biggest Loser has become a struggle because of my constant bottoming out (literally) of self image and I do believe this has led me down a path of self destruction including taking the kids down with me. My current size of jeans is bursting and I REFUSE to break out the "fat jeans" I guess I would rather suffer from stomach aches every day. How stupid is that?

My sister has also struggled, yet I've watched her become physically active and running in numerous races and attaining her fitness goals. She has become what I wish I could be. I have resorted to excuses (what do I do with the kids, I can't afford going anywhere, I just don't feel like jumping on the mini trampoline for an hour) and I am beginning to feel like it is a battle that can't be won.

Then the Chadwick's catalog came.

Now, I have to face reality that shorts weather is coming. I couldn't possibly wear a single thing in that catalog without looking like a bloated whale. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I thought maybe I could buy a new pass to Weight Watchers with our tax refund but what am I supposed to do with the kids? When Aaron and Noah were little, I got kicked out of a meeting because the kids were making too much noise and I never went back.

So after a lot of time on the computer last night looking up different options, I got out the booklet from so many years ago and I am going to try it again. I really won't be able to do it all at once. I will start with the calories and go from there. Hopefully, I will add the physical in as I go...back to jumping on the stupid trampoline since we will never be able to afford going to a gym and it is just too darn cold to go outside.

I really thought I could wait a while longer. I thought that we would have one more bundle of joy and then I would worry about it. It doesn't seem to be in the cards and I no longer want to use this as an excuse.

I know I can do it. I've done it before. I just want to feel good about myself again. I want to stop feeling so bad that I take my frustration out on my kids. I want to stop feeling like a blimp every time we get together with Steve's family (I think the combined jeans size of the other three sisters-in-law adds up to mine). I want to feel pretty. I want my husband to look at me and see the person that he sees on the inside.

And best yet, the day I attain my goal...I WILL buy those items from the Chadwick's catalog!

14 comments:

Childlife said...

Go Kristi! I'm working on this too (my meeting is tonight actually). I chose and evening meeting and I combine it with my grocery shopping night and leave the kiddos home with Dad : ) Works out really nicely!

my wonderful men... said...

Do you have a YMCA by you? They have a child care area where the kids can play and you can go work out. That might be something to look into, and if you do it with a friend (like someone from the church) it holds you accountable to keep your schedule. If the two of you say lets meet on M, W, & F then you won't make excuses not to show, who wants to be the one to not show.

Just a suggestion, it's a place where the whole family can have fun and get exercise.

You can do this, make it a point to blog about it every week holding yourself accountable. I'll be checking in. Ha

Good luck!

Mimi's Toes said...

I found you thru Amy at My wonderful men. I am giving you a great big hug thru ciberspace. You sound just like me...My sister and I are doing the biggest loser together right now and she has lost more than me. I have been down the Weight Watcher's route before and thankfully have not put back on all the weight. I love looking at the Chadwick's magazines too and had to laugh at your story. The hardest part is getting started and staying motivated. You will do it again..I have faith in you. Or I should say, I have faith in us. Nice meeting you..come on over and visit.

KC said...

I'm right there with you Kristi..
I could have wrote this post word for word, well except for the bundle of joy.. I have my 4 and I'm so done LOL.. but even the part about my sister getting into such great shape.. I too use the what will I do with the kids, and it is way to cold to go outside and I just don't have the money to join anything.. all of it..
and then I see summer is almost here and I look awful.. just awful.. I did WW after Sweet Pea(my 3rd child) was born and lost all the weight just in time to get PG again. Since having Little Man(our last child) 2 1/2 years ago.. I haven't done a thing except talk about how I need to do something.
Sadly I no longer have my WW booklet.. If I knew how many point I could eat and such my sister told me there was a point counter thing online I could figure out my points but I don't know how many point I can eat a day or if I started to the activities how many extra points you get.. UGH.. I need to get my hands on that sort of information so I can get started at fitting into some of my cloths for this summer.

Anonymous said...

Good for you, sis! Start slow and be careful. I did the same thing but with a clip art icon I wish I could look like. My weight was dangerous. You aren't as far gone as I was. Set small goals at first. Throw out the scale and use how you fee and what size you are as a guide. Endorphins rock and if you start getting exercise in on a regular basis to get the little things going, you'll be hooked and it will get you out there doing it even more. The "Y" is a good option and they have good people. I like the Y right downtown Grand Rapids. I had a training run down there and they were really nice. You can call the Y you're thinking about and ask if they have a one time pass just to see how you like it and to meet some of the staff. The hardest thing is making your self under stand that this time you are spending on you is not an indulgence but time that will make you a better mom- you'll have more energy, more patience and you may even turn out to be a role model so your boys value activity and exercise too. Maybe we can start a new family tradition that helps our kids and our grandkids stay healthy. Take Care.

Hillary said...

Good for you! Losing weight is something I want to work on to. So I'm right there with ya!

lynnae said...

Good for you! And your post just motivated me!

I had my last baby over 5 years ago, and I'm now 2 lbs away from my 9 months pregnant weight with my first. How did that happen?

I'm with you!

Summer said...

Working on it over here too. We can do it1

Queen Mommy said...

I have struggled and been up and down. I am with ya sister! Hang in and keep the faith.

TheCynicalOptimist said...

Their website is really good these days, I know a lot of people that just do it online! Good luck!! If you want to email me I can send you a few mof my favorite low points snack and foods. betherw@hotmail.com

Courtney said...

Good luck. I totally changed my eating habits 6 months ago and lost 15 pounds. I still have 10 more, but I finally started exercising too so I'm hoping that will help too.

Wendy said...

And you though no one would wan to read this? LOL

Like so many others, I can completely relate to this. With little ones in the house, it's almost impossible to get into a regular workout routine, but I still have hopes. Good luck reaching your goal!

(And thanks for stopping by the other day.) :)

Tiffany said...

Good luck! I am totally out of shape and need to get into a workout routine myself!

Thanks for stopping by my site. I got to looking around on YouTube and there are a lot of Piano Juggler videos. There is one in particular that was really cool, but the sound quality was bad. It took place on a basketball court. You should check it out.

Nancy Lindquist-Liedel said...

One step at a time, one calorie at a time. Baby steps. Just remove ten calories and walk for a couple mninutes, or vacuum, it's cold out. Just a couple minutes, a few calories. One bite at a time. It's a journey. Not a destination.

I'm up ten pounds now (not a small thing on my frame and I was not exactly small to begin with), I'm going to fight it starting today. I'm scared I'm going to fail too. Maybe we can do it together?