Monday, May 12, 2008

It All Started With a Waffle...

Happy Mother's Day to everyone (a day late). I have been reading about so many wonderful mother's day celebrations across the blog lines. I am so glad everyone had such a marvelous day.

I will try to spare many details for the sake of being too wordy. I'll only give the nuts and bolts of my Mother's Day.

Noah made me a cement heart with his hand print in it. He spent the morning at church telling everyone "I gave Mommy a stone heart". I thought it was kind of a funny quote.

We had a pretty normal morning at church. The boys sang This is the Day in front of church with me for a Mother's Day introit. We didn't get any pictures :(

Afterward, we headed up to my Dad's place for a little gathering. As many of you know, my step mom is more of a mother to me than my own so it was fitting that we went there. My brother and sister's families were both there, as well as all three step brothers and most of their families. (Madison and Piper were with their mom)

The best realization of the day was that it was the FIRST Mother's Day that Steve didn't have to change ALL of the diapers. We didn't HAVE diapers (or pull ups) anymore. First time in six years.

The guys settled in downstairs to watch sports and all the kids (except for Baby Ronin) were down there as well, watching movies and trashing the entire condo (the kids, not the dads). It was raining all day and they couldn't get outside.

So as the day went on, the kids were wanting snacks and Nancy pulled out some Lego waffles. No big deal.

it set off a bit of a flood works in me. For some reason, the lack of control over what Noah and Aaron were eating , knowing there would be yet more battles about food the next day, set me into a major tailspin.

With sparing the details of all the feelings that came out (for the sake of not losing it AGAIN), I just started venting about all of the frustration I am feeling in the role as mother. I had shared that Mother's Day has ALWAYS been my least favorite day of the year...both as a daughter because I didn't feel loved by my mother, and as a mother because I know I can never be the mother that I wanted to be. By the time it got going, my sister was also sharing the struggles with parenting boys with challenges and not having the mother "mold" to take after. By the time it got going, I look around the room and all five of us (my oldest niece was in on the girl fest) are crying and a bit out of control. Nancy shared some kind words of our past that made me feel better about myself as a daughter, which I really needed to hear.

I really am not much of a hugger or physical person, but I gave in to the group hug suggestion. I don't really know what came out of the whole "sharing" session, but it actually may be the first Mother's Day that I will actually remember in the future. At one point, my Dad came upstairs , took one look at what was going on, and turned around and headed back downstairs. I am sure there were some warnings given to the other males when he returned to the basement.

After the floodgates closed again, we returned to normal "woman" talk. Nancy shared some funny "raising boy" stories that I think Shannon, Jenny, and I all appreciated. We also were able to get a clearer picture of what our trip to Florida will look like. We found out that Shannon's family has decided to join us and that we will be able to visit with both my and Steve's family while we are down there.

When we got home, the boys went downstairs to bounce and gave me a little bit of down time I needed and then I went down to the basement join them and we four snuggled under a comforter on the couch and watched Funniest home Videos before we put them to bed. It was the best snuggle I'd had in a long time.

I know it doesn't sound like much of an exciting Mother's Day but it was really what I needed. I have to work better and living "One Day At A Time" and stop bringing my future OR my past into my parenting. If I can live for today, maybe I will bring a better outlook to things myself, and therefore better for my boys. I am not MY mother, and I am not a BAD mother. I am just another woman who has been blessed with two of God's angels to care for and love.

Thanks for listening. Have a great day.


Courtney said...

I am just now taking the one day at a time approach even though my mom has been preaching this to me for 4 years. I guess I am a slow learner. It makes life so much easier this way.

I'm glad you had a good mother's day.

Steph said...

I am still learning how to do that, but I have started to step back and say no once in awhile and you know what it feels good!

Summer said...

Sometimes, having a break down and letting it all out is the best therapy. Hope your day is happier today.

LaskiGal said...

Oh, I know it is easier said than done--our past makes up who we are and our future makes up who we want to be. Hard to ignore . . . but so necessary if we are going to get through each day. This has been such a hard lesson for me.

I so relate to you post--especially the water works. Oh, I so get that.

Lots of love and GO MOMMY wishes heading your way!

bethn said...

I know how hard all of this has been for you. I'm glad you had a good cry with your family and felt better afterward. Happy Mother's day a day late.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

I am so glad that you had the chance to get all of that out - it sounded like you needed it. I always try to remind myself that the only truly 'bad' mother is the one who doesn't care about being a 'good' one. You, are absolutely one of the 'good' ones. :)

Jenny said...

Sometimes a really great cry and a hug are the best thing you can do!

I think it sounds like a really Great Mother's Day and I'm so happy you were able to get what you needed!


Tammy said...

I never got along with my mother either. I make it a point to let my kids now how much I love them as often as I can.

MomOf3 said...

I am so sorry it was such an emotionally draining day for you. Just remember that you are doing the best that you can! You are the woman that God chose to be your kids' mom. You are the right person for the job and if you don't have a role model from your own mom, you do have a role model in your Heavenly Father and his Word to lead you!

Stacey said...

I wanted to leave a really profound comment, but I can't think of one... so I will echo what Mom of 3 said.--

Keep moving forward the view is always better from there!
{I have a father that has the same type of effect on me --as it sounds like you mother has on you...)

You are doing better than you think, be proud! Your boys sure think you are great!

Toni said...

I think parenting is difficult and we, as mothers, are our own worst enemies with negativity. Your sons are beautiful....